Newspaper Clippings

I read this (http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1423) and cracked up.

Calm Wife

I had an occasion to travel overnight by bus in a hilly area. There were lots of people, including a man and his wife with 2 sons (about 5 and 2 years old). Halfway through the night, as the bus was climbing up the hills, the older boy started vomiting. Then the husband was vomiting through the night. And I was like ughhhh.

The wife on the other hand was calm, helping her husband, she also had the toddler sleeping on her lap all through the night. There was not a hint of irritation that I could see while I was seething with anger - how come the idiot (in his late 30's) planned such a trip by bus. Surely he could have foreseen what would happen.

But I continue to remain amazed by how the wife took all in her stride. 

Fairness, Where Art Thou?

Cricket was supposedly a gentleman's game. And then I read a string of incidents in this post (http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/people/10-cricket-controversies-article-ilmx.html).

Whatever happened to playing fair? All is fair, they say, in love and war. Is cricket now love or war or both?

I remember a quote by a famous tennis player of yesteryears. When I leave the court after a match, one shouldn't know whether I won or I lost. The game is about having fun, playing well, regardless of the outcome.

Where has all this gone?

Interesting Blog By A Wife

Here is another blog (http://juliagrey.wordpress.com/introduction/) written by a "frigid" wife. Very interesting.

Friendship And Relationship And Sex

This is an interesting post on relationship and sex (http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Articles/Relationships/Why-I-will-break-up-with-you-if-you-dont-have-sex-with-me.html).

Quotes

I came across these quotes today. How apt..

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
  - Evan Esar

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.
  - Adam Clayton Powell Jr.

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
  - David T. Wolf

Sari - Indian Dress

The sari is way more elegant than any other dress, I should say (see pictures here http://in.omg.yahoo.com/galleries/photos/when-west-meets-east-288-1.html).

Though some people could drape it better.

Another Tale Of Two States

If you want to have a brief idea of north Indian women and south Indian women and you don't have to read a whole book, here it is in a nutshell. http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/indian_jokes/213

Sales And Marketing

A cute one on Sales and Marketing (http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/men_women/456).

Walk

I was reading an article (http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-sports/article1557265.ece) today. That Sachin Tendulakar had nicked the ball and was caught in a World Cup Cricket match recently. But the umpire didn't catch it and apparently it was difficult to pick it up even in a TV replay. But the man didn't wait to be given out.

Now Sachin would have been on his way to breaking a few more records. But he didn't wait to be given out. He walked.

Sachin is not the first person to walk. In the 1970's and 80's, Indian batsmen Gavaskar and Vishwanath used to do it. What is it with some Indians? They have amazing integrity. For them cricket was not about winning to the sole exclusion of everything else. Those were the times when there were no TV replays, no 3rd umpire and the umpires belonged to the host nation and hence sometimes partisan.

I am reminded of an anecdote. A batsman (from the host team) was clean bowled in an international match. The bowler kept appealing to the umpire "Hozzzaaattt". The umpire irritatedly told the bowler, "Of course I know he (the batsman is bowled). Why do you keep appealing?". The bowler replied "I know he is bowled. but i want to know if he is OUT". This was taking a dig at the integrity of the umpire.

Coming back to walking, cricketers from some countries were known for their tendency to stick around instead of walking. For example, Australians were famous for it. Even a couple of days earlier, Pointing apparently stood his ground despite knowing that he was out. 

Why do these Pointings do such a thing? Well for them the end (winning) is more important than the means (how did I win).

For the Tendulkars and Gavaskars the means is as important as the end. Indian philosophy is all about means being the only end. There is no separate end.

Jokes

A friend sent me these jokes. Ideally I would have preferred only to give a link to the source. But I couldn't get one web page having all these gems..

So here you go. Have fun.

Marriage Humor: 

Wife:         'What are you doing?'  

Husband:     Nothing. 

Wife:         'Nothing...?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' 

Husband:     'I was looking for the expiration date.'  

------------------------------- 

Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'   

Husband:      'Sure! What are my choices?'  

Wife:         'Yes or no.' 

_____________ 

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?' 

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'   

Wife:  'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?' 

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'   

--------------------------------------------------------  

Stress Reliever Girl:      'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'   

Boy:      'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'   

Girl:      'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' 

----------------------! --------  

Son:      'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'   

Mom:   'Well, you have done the right thing.'   

Son:      'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'  

________________________________ 

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'   

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'   

----------------------------------------------------------   

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. 

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.' 

------------------------------- 

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'  

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '

I like your sense of humor!' 

------------------------------- 

Husbands are husbands 

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 

'What was that for?' the man asked. 

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. 

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' 

The wife apologized and went on with the housework. 

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him  again. 

Wife replied:  'Your Horse phoned!! '

Bartender and Man

I read this one "A guy walks into a bar .. http://www.thespainforum.com/f238/guy-walks-bar-orders-triple-scotch-bartender-pours-283458/ " today and loved it.

A New Business Model - SNM

My friend Guruji has been an ardent fan of SM (Surrogate Motherhood). She helped me come up with this model for a viable business for what we call SNM (Surrogate Non Motherhood).

The service to our (female) customers is this:

• Our branch closest to her sasuraal (marital home) will issue a certificate of pregnancy to the woman. It will not be necessary for the customer to be really pregnant.

• The customer shows this certificate to husband/MIL/SIL (Sister in law) etc and immediately rushes to mayke (literally her "mom's (house)").

• Optionally we can also book tickets for the woman and escort her to mayke.

• At mayke, the local branch there will take over and fake a Miscarriage.

• That branch (at Mayke) will issue a miscarriage certificate which will strongly recommend that the woman needs complete rest (and preferably lots of chocolate / caramel / dry fruits / any other expensive stuff) to recover.

• A copy of that certificate will be hand delivered to sasuraal, after getting the customer's approval.

• The woman is happy.

All this will be provided by us for a very nominal fee. This service is designed to appeal to the modern, well to do women who are stressed out and need a change.

But the really well paying customer is actually the husband who gets in touch with us requesting us to provide this service to his wife. Discretely, without her knowledge of his involvement (because HE is stressed out and wants a change).

More On Internet And Quotes On Marriage

I read this

"A wise man said: "It's best to limit your internet relationships with those whom you have already met personally."

and saw this (http://www.livinginthephilippines.com/images/dogonthe_intenet.jpg) today. I burst out laughing.

Here are some lovely quotes on marriage from http://www.quotegarden.com/marriage.html. While the link has many quotes which are nice, I have chosen some which really tickled me.

"

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

• Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

• Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn

• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

• In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson,Solitaire and Double Solitaire

• If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

• Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde

• Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. ~James C. Dobson

• What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger

• Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. ~Scottish Proverb

• Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ~Henny Youngman

• A question asked in a Surrey school exam went: "Why do cocks crow early every morning?" A twelve-year-old replied: "My dad says they have to make the most of it while the hens are asleep." ~Quoted in the Peterborough Daily Telegraph, 1983

• When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. ~Helen Rowland

• My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. ~Author Unknown

• Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

• After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her - and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. ~Helen Rowland

• Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages. ~Barry Goldwater

• Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. ~H.L. Mencken

• No man expects a great deal from marriage. He is quite satisfied if his wife is a good cook, a good valet, an attentive audience, and a patient nurse. ~Author Unknown

"

Living Off Women

I read this article (http://www.indiatogether.org/2008/jan/wom-bedia.htm) today. I am aghast. I am quite familiar with women living off the earnings of men, this is quite natural in India.

But to see a whole community of men live off women, with the women earning money through prostitution, it makes me wonder. Is this story true? if true, how much lower can men sink?

Marriage Of Convenience

In an earlier blog (http://vbala99.blogspot.com/2009/08/common-mistakes-in-perceptions.html) I had mentioned about marriages of convenience in Saudi Arabia. And today I was reading an article (see the box in http://www.indiatogether.org/2008/aug/soc-livein.htm) which talked about almost the same thing in Gujrat in India.

Surprising, I never knew we had such a thing in India.

Predictions and Predictions

I was looking at this prediction

(http://in.news.yahoo.com/blogs/geewhiz/supermoon-may-cause-natural-disasters-next-week-20110309-020911-225.html) about moon coming closest to the earth in 20 years and hence perhaps result in tidal waves. This article is dated 9th March 2011. And the tsunami in Japan happened on 11th March.

Wow.

Intelligence Test

A friend of mine sent me this test (http://mikescomputerinfo.com/inteltest.htm). Quite interesting.

And this is the instruction for the test

"THOROUGHLY UNDERSTAND EACH QUESTION PRIOR TO SELECTING YOUR RESPONSE. AND DON'T LAUGH AT BILL GATES AND HIS SCORE OF THREE JUST YET!!

It scores automatically, too. Take this advice ... Be sure and think before you answer."

Have fun.

Width Of A 2nd Class Berth In Indian Trains And Discomfort

A friend of mine mentioned that while sleeping (for the 1st time) in a 2nd class train compartment in india, she found the berth too narrow. She always travels in a higher class (First class or A/C) in trains.

Here is a picture of a 2nd class compartment berth.

See the width, (look to the left and right of the leg). It must be about 22inches (55cm). How can it be insufficient? 

A person must be quite fat (like a north Indian married you know what) to find this berth too narrow to sleep on.

It's difficult to please some people.

Single Women Cannot Travel More than 48 Miles: Mehram

A friend of mine loves long trips and is forever planning on long trips. Her husband is like me, a rather meek kind of person. She just has to whistle and beckon, he would come come running to do her bidding. 

You can imagine how much this would have pissed me off. The one good news is that he doesn't like taking his wife on trips. So when I read this article,

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/48-mile-cap-for-women-travelling-sans-escort/articleshow/7659776.cms I was dancing with joy. Apparently muslim women cannot travel without a mehram (escort). Yooohooo.

If I were a maulwi, I would have issued enough fatwas to make my counterparts in Saudi and Iran feel unemployed.

The fatwa that immediately comes to my mind is related to the definition of mehram. I would have redefined it. For an ugly woman, a mehram would still be a husband, brother, son, father etc. But for a cute woman, I would have redefined it. (Related reading: http://vbala99.blogspot.com/2009/09/how-does-child-recognize-his-mom.html)

Wife And Marriage

I read some wonderful jokes and I cracked up.

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/men_women/610

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1419

http://www.matchdoctor.com/blog_103218/HE_SAID_I_DON_T_KNOW_WHY_YOU_WEAR_A_BRA.html

http://www.santabanta.com/jokes.asp?catid=10416

http://www.santabanta.com/jokes.asp?catid=10415

Have fun.

Mobile Politics

I have never voted in my life. I am pretty sure people may object to it. That I am not exercising my franchise. But you know, when we vote it's because we 

1. Like that choice 
2. We believe that one option is better than all the others

In the place I live in, a gentleman and a lady have been the heads of state for about 20 years now. When the lady was in power, the atrocities she committed were too painful. With the result that in the ensuing election, the entire population voted for the gentleman. Now the gentleman's track record has been such that the people seem to "long" to get the lady back.

Note that I use the words lady and gentleman rather loosely. These words would definitely not describe either of them.

Now the point is, if we are forced, we can find someone who is best among the pack (of rascals). Point number 2 above can be satisfied. What about point number 1? Would we like that choice? Well, aaah, uhmmm, perhaps not. That is where the issue is. Suffrage (or franchise) is not just about choosing the best of the pack but it's also about liking that choice. 

And what does an average man like me do, when he doesn't like any of the choices (though he may be able to identify the best among the various options available)? Well he abstains. He says "to hell with you. I aint voting".

Recently when 3G and MNP were announced (see http://Calmisc.blogspot.com/2011/01/mobile-number-and-other-portability.html), I was looking forward to some bargain picking. I thought competition would drive up features and quality and drive down prices. Boy when I look at each of the mobile operators, I am amazed. I probably can find the best among them. But do I LIKE any of them? It is same like in politics.

Could this be the reason mobile and politics are so connected (here in India)?

Ireland Vs England World Cup Match

I am not much of a fan of Cricket. But today I saw the highlights of the Ireland Vs England match. England had made 327 or so in their 50 overs. Ireland had lost their 5th wicket by the 25th over with their score at 120 or 125.

Things could not have been more depressing for Ireland. There is this man Kevin O' Brien who then started an innings of rape, murder and plunder which I (and perhaos the English team also) wont forget in a hurry.

His 50 came in 32 balls and his 100 in about 50 balls. I don't have words to describe the innings that this man, from a country which is quite unknown in the cricket world, played. What AN AMAZING innings! 

It seemed like every ball was destined to be sent outside the boundary, the question only being whether it would be a 4 or a 6. He left the bowlers and fielders in utter desperation. I could understand how the English team felt. Any other team would have gone through the same feeling of total despair.

I would love to see this man do a repeat of this kind of play.

Religious Intolerance In Islam

I was reading this article (http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/features/life/article1506559.ece) about religious intolerance in Islam today. 

The author explains how Islam originally talked about tolerance including religious tolerance. Now Islam as we see it being practised is not very tolerant. Fanaticism is what comes to mind when I think of Islam.

Now if the prophet preached tolerance, where did this intolerance creep in to Islam? How did it happen? Who allowed it to happen? 

What makes us (Muslims in this case) so sure that our way is the best? Especially when we were a recent entrant. If not for the fortunate discovery of oil in the middle east, where would Islamic countries (Let's take Iran, Saudi as examples or even UAE and Bahrain) be?

Coming back to my question, how was the basic tenet of tolerance in Islam (as mentioned by the author of the article in the link, Syeda Hameed) violated/modified subsequently? Is our basic insecurity the cause for intolerance? Rephrased, are all intolerant people basically insecure?

Romantic Movies

I came across this today.

"Romantic movies ruin relationships, as they give unrealistic expectations to women about what to expect in men !

Porn movies do the same for men !!"

Well, aaah, ummm. There may be some truth to this, you know.

And if you are an animal lover, you may like this one on cats http://www.citehr.com/321753-four-cats.html.

On Sardarji

I got a bunch of jokes from a friend. I have chosen a couple to put up here. Have fun.

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep, not Screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving.. 

Lawyer to Sardar: 'Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... ' 

Sardar :'Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!' 

(I am sorry this does not translate well into English. Imagine a witness about to be sworn. And he is asked to put his hand on Bible/Gita.. And Gita is also a common female name)

Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. 

Judge asked: How'll you divide your kids, you've 3 children? 

Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

My Dream Trip

I read this article (http://gulfnews.com/life-style/travel/the-long-journey-from-england-to-mongolia-1.759624) today. Someone drove from Southern England to Ulaan Bator (Capital of Mongolia).

Mongolia is the place where Genghis Khan was born. And it is a country that is RARELY ever in the news (perhaps even more "secretive" than Albania). You would never hear about it, though it is a very large country sandwiched between Siberian Russia and China.

Its been my dream to travel from China to Europe, crossing the umpteen erstwhile Russian countries (Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Ukraine, Belarus) and see how the landscape, the features of the people, the weather etc change as you go west from Asia. 

The people in the article (see link above) did not take my route. They have taken a more southerly route touching Turkey, Middle East. I wish their article (travelog) didn't end so abruptly after Kazakhstan.

My preference would have been a more northerly route that I have mentioned above. Boy, won't I love to make this trip (assuming there is someone who knows how to drive, fix the tyres etc).