Why Few Pilots Are Women

 

Superman One Handed

 

Boys Are Funny

 

Dealing With Husband

 

A month back there was a Swiggy (food delivery like Foodpanda) guy who came to deliver.

Surprisingly, there was a woman sitting in the scooter behind him. I asked him who she was.. he said it was his wife. 

I was itching to ask him

"Who was the other lady he had with him the previous day"

Translation

 

Love Success Defined

 उर्दू के अध्यापक ने एक सवाल किया...

"नाकाम इश्क" और "मुकम्मल इश्क़" में क्या फर्क है...???

विद्यार्थी बोला: नाकाम इश्क़ बेहतरीन शायरी करता है...ग़ज़ल गाता है...पहाड़ों में घूमता है...!!!

अध्यापक : 

और मुकम्मल इश्क़...???

विद्यार्थी : और मुकम्मल इश्क़ सब्ज़ी के साथ मुफ्त धनिया लाने...रास्ते से ब्रेड लाने...दाल में नमक कम/ज्यादा बताने...और बेस्वाद खाना भी चुपचाप खाकर संडे को पंखा साफ करने में ही दम तोड़ देता है...!!!

अध्यापक अब विद्यार्थी के पैर नही छोड़ रहा...!!!

😛😜😝😂🤣

Biyer Dayitto : Marriage Responsibility

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jri3ODJ0P5A&feature=youtu.be

Decoding Women

https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~jonc/classic/woman_dict.html

Robert Mugabe

---------- 

Robert Mugabe was a tyrant, and dictator of ZIMBABWE who had to be separated from the presidency screaming and kicking. He died last week at the age of 95. He messed up the  Zimbabwe economy but had a great sense of humor.

Here is a collection for you to enjoy

1) "When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don’t take a goat as a friend."

2) "If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-ray machines to see inner beauty."

3) "When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbor's soup gets suspicious."

4) "Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow."

5) "Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on, rather than send it to your mum, and you realize witchcraft is real."

6) "If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first."

7) "What is the problem with deporting white men from Africa? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors."

8) "Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end."

9) Interviewer: "Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?"

Robert Mugabe: "Where are they going?"

AND FINALLY the 'piece de resistance'

10) "If I am given a chance to travel through time, I will go back to 1946, find Donald Trump's father and give him a condom."

Generic Personality Prediction - Forer / Barnum Effect

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect

Its All Waste Bengal

A friend sent me this article: http://www.hindustantimes.com/india/loojh-canawn/story-eyBnOp3FFBye0a0sH326TN.html about West Bengali language and pronaanshiyeshon. The East Bengali dialect is another can or waarms.

Absolutely hilareeaas, I mean hilarious, if you understand Bengali.

Bottoms Up

https://media.giphy.com/media/Kz7TL6zenUdgY/200.gif (or goo.gl/AIV9ib)

Women Rather Cagey About Revealing Age

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10208666642363781&set=a.1573145528866.2075790.1242378913&type=3&theater

Of course the smarter among us would round off the year of birth 1986 to 1992. We women follow a different rounding off system and hence others consider us to be mathematically challenged.

Cute Boy Frustrated

Enjoy..

Misinterpretations

A friend sent me this video

Tougher Than Air Force

I read this today in https://www.thenews.com.pk/magazine/us/163858-COMIC-RELIEF

Beautiful.

You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51. Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their ‘secret’ base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really got lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying ‘you-did-not-see-a-base’ briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again the MP’s surrounded the plane. But this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, ‘Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!’

Very Interesting on Removing Rs 500 And Rs 1000 As Legal Tender

19th Jun 2017: http://www.huffingtonpost.in/2017/06/17/how-i-knew-demonetisation-was-going-to-be-a-disaster-right-from_a_22417571/?ncid=NEWSSTAND0010

Updated  on May 29, 2017: This is a telling description of Modi's performance: http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/economy/india-second-most-complex-tax-jurisdiction-deloitte/article9714344.ece

Updated on May 11, 2017: http://www.livemint.com/Opinion/WUuVPSzFeYteHE7AKmphNM/Making-sense-of-Modinomics.html - Interesting summary

Updated on Feb 23rd 2017: http://www.livemint.com/Politics/RGZgD70N5ogk88Q8dwTNgO/Income-Tax-dept-to-launch-second-phase-of-bank-account-scrut.html

Updated on Feb 1st 2017:
A very nice article: https://scroll.in/article/827887/understanding-demonetisation-why-theres-a-war-on-cash-and-you-are-in-the-middle-of-it and http://www.financialexpress.com/opinion/how-has-india-fared-since-2016-what-tax-data-tells-us-about-the-state-of-the-economy/525606/

Income tax department asks taxpayers to verify their deposits online: http://www.livemint.com/Industry/PWNo4r01CdQcYafliQcnlM/Tax-department-asks-taxpayers-to-everify-deposits-post-demo.html

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/economy/policy/banned-notes-what-jaitley-revealed-is-important-but-what-he-hides-is-crucial/articleshow/56953396.cms -  Some number crunching

Updated on Jan 18th 2017: 
https://qz.com/886094/silently-indias-supreme-court-has-set-off-a-chain-of-events-that-could-torpedo-narendra-modis-demonetisation-move/
The gentleman now strikes against gold: http://www.ap7am.com/lv-240877-spotlight-modis-surgical-strike-on-domestic-gold-holdings.html. Is he going to ask every woman to show what she is wearing or what she is hiding under her pillow or open up every locker? And dig under every tree? Another article: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/No-tax-on-jewellery/gold-purchased-out-of-disclosed-income-Finance-Ministry/articleshow/55724734.cms

We have already unearthed lots of black money based on the November 8th 2016 announcement. And created enormous mess in the life of people. Let's see where we go with the gold announcement..

Look at that: http://www.financialexpress.com/india-news/it-rejects-declarations-rs-2-lakh-crore-rs-13000-crore-revises-ids-amount/463770/ A family of 4 deposits 2 lakh crore. Huh, what?

http://scroll.in/article/821113/in-one-stroke-demonetisation-has-shaken-the-trust-our-monetary-system-is-based-on

Unfortunately the country's economy has not been made cashless nor is there any immediate push to make the economy cashless. The plan to introduce Rs 2000 note makes it obvious. Now people can horde those notes.

Look at all the gas agencies or hospitals or booking offices of trains, buses etc and see how much cash they deposit at the banks. Have we tried to minimize cash usage?

The vegetable sellers with their push carts plied their wares today without taking cash. They made me a debtor. Far better to have accounts receivable than let vegetables rot.

As on Nov 12th morning after reading the morning papers I understood this: That a lady could not be cremated in north India because cash was not available. Another man in Triplicane, Chennai had huge difficulty in getting his daughter married because cash was needed everywhere from flower vendors to beauticians and cards were not accepted and the lines outside & inside banks are  too long even on 12th morning. Trucks have come to a stop in Tamil Ndu because truck drivers do not have the new currency nor cards. Gives us an idea where cash is still king and professions which are beyond the realm of income tax.

Apparently the plan has fallen apart: http://indianexpress.com/article/blogs/pm-narendra-modi-demonetisation-note-recall-narrative-fallen-apart-4406642/

Another view of this: http://www.livemint.com/Opinion/uzvIE84KGXy1xvp06pTazM/Demonetization-is-a-hollow-move.html

A traveling salesman's diary here: http://www.livemint.com/Opinion/pN22OadikDCzoRcrB87UxH/A-travelling-salesmans-diary-in-the-days-of-demonetisation.html

A rather unfortunate fallout of the issues with lack of cash availability in ATM's long queues in banks is the fact that the government is trying to find more avenues to reach cash to the common man (disbursing thru petrol pumps) and having more establishments accept old Rs500, 1000 notes instead of getting more people and establishments covered though debit cards or electronic payments. Imagine if we had succeeded in the latter... We would have largely got rid of cash.. Now that has to wait. 

Interesting articles on this subject:

• How to transfer from PayTM to bank account: http://gadgets.ndtv.com/apps/features/paytm-bank-transfer-charges-how-to-account-wallet-1629798
• http://www.financialexpress.com/economy/widespread-distress-as-demonetisation-hits-small-medium-businesses-hard/454911/ - I wonder why sales of noodles to  potatoes, gems and jewelry should fall. Cant they use PayTM?
• http://www.ndtv.com/opinion/the-big-deal-in-abruptly-ending-swapping-of-notes-1630162
• View from across the border: https://www.thenews.com.pk/print/167982-How-dangerous-is-Modi
• http://m.moneycontrol.com/news/economy/banks-pos-to-report-cash-depositsover-rs-25-lakh-to-i-t_7973661.html
• http://wap.business-standard.com/article/economy-policy/indians-are-rushing-frantically-to-launder-their-black-money-after-demonetisation-116112100084_1.html
• A nice jovial article in the newspaper: http://www.thehindu.com/features/metroplus/life-without-500-and-1000rupee-notes/article9333775.ece
• Letter to Kejriwal http://zeenews.india.com/news/india/explained-how-rs-2000-note-will-curb-black-money-gujarat-cas-open-letter-to-arvind-kejriwal-breaks-internet-must-read_1949522.html
• http://m.dinamalar.com/detail.php?id=1647589
• http://scroll.in/article/821599/demonetisation-will-do-what-illness-accident-eviction-funeral-or-drought-do-to-poor-families
• http://scroll.in/article/822268/comrade-modi-has-clearly-not-learnt-from-1991-when-licence-raj-ended-as-did-the-soviet-union

A friend sent me this:

An approximate translation:
A person in the street asks another for directions: 

Where is the bank?    It's a kilometer away. Can I walk or do I need to hail a taxi?    :@. Just stand behind me in the line.

Another image in a lighter vein: only if you can read Tamil. https://scontent-sin6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15055716_771632739656880_8057270732405090431_n.jpg?oh=89d8ddf2b74c76f147b3210c4708dfe6&oe=588773A0 

A MNC company gets hit: https://scroll.in/article/826796/a-ceos-tale-how-demonetisation-halved-the-profits-of-a-cashless-multi-national-company

Additional reading:

• FAQ: https://www.icicibank.com/Personal-Banking/faq/withdrawal-of-bank-notes-faqs.page?
• https://www.valueresearchonline.com/story/h2_storyview.asp?str=32447&utm_source=2016-11-17-fundline&utm_content=Thu-1130&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fundline
• For a change a Sindhi who can write instead of being in fashion or movie industry!! http://www.livemint.com/Leisure/vQ1MspwGVCBbZR5zrOH7XL/I-am-not-ready-to-take-the-leap-from-connected-to-cashless.html
• http://scroll.in/article/821128/five-things-to-note-about-the-demonetisation-of-rs-500-and-rs-1000-notes
• http://scroll.in/article/821105/modis-move-to-scrap-high-denomination-notes-is-more-about-politics-than-economics
• http://scroll.in/article/821096/front-page-headlines-how-indian-papers-reported-modis-currency-note-move
• http://www.amitbhawani.com/blog/why-i-think-the-new-rs-500-rs-2000-notes-is-a-great-idea-to-curb-black-money/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AmitBhawani+%28Amit+Bhawani+Tech+Blog%29 - a counter point

Bad News First

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155304373823009&id=837878008&refid=28&_ft_=qid.6329377963155668398%3Amf_story_key.426326560447927055&__tn__=%2As

Are You Moral

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1208219379209082&id=100000630940460

Additional reading: On Olympics - https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1209881169042903&id=100000630940460

Jokes From Somewhere

(1)  

Put your wife in a room & lock it. 

Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! 

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you ! 

(Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)  

Don't laugh loud ----  

The extended version says...

2) 

Put your husband in a room & lock it. 

Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! 

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!! 

3) 

Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. 

Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!

(4) 

If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable. 

If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

(5) 

A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband… 

“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!  

(6) 

Million Dollar Truth: 

If Saturday and Sunday doesn't excite you, then change your Friends. 

If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession. 

If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!!

(7) 

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? 

That was common sense leaving your body. 

(8)

Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once… 

But many people still go to their in-laws place..?

(9) 

Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! 

Dad: What role are you playing? 

Pappu: A husband! 

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues! 

(10)

Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”. 

Man inside: “I am

talking to my wife” 

(11) 

A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.. 

She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot” 

(12) 

Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!